This Is A Line

For a long time, whenever I wrote something on this blog, I always had to include some kind of disclaimer that I didn't really want anyone to read this, I just wanted to put it out there for myself because it helps me sharpen my craft and distill some thoughts. It was petty, silly hand-wringing and the only way I could deal with the inherent arrogance of wanting to be a writer. It took a couple years of good writing teachers before I got over myself and wrote both because I wanted to, and because I wanted to be heard.

With that neurosis more or less resolved, I have decided to draw a line between the past and present and reinvest my efforts into blogging and less into maintaining a sparse personal essay depository. At some point, if you ever intend on taking your attempt at freelancing seriously, you are going to have to show people a body of work. A place for your tiny baby portfolio, proof of your consistency and evidence that you don't just write, you live like a writer. With the hosting help of Squarespace, I've finally sprung a few dollars at creating a blog I can build on more frequently, while being slightly more professional and indicative of how I am. At last, a place for me to type.

If this is the sort of thing that I want to have associated with my name, there are things on the old blog that I want to keep around. There is a sentimental history to the things I've put online since 2006 as a very scared college freshman with no writing knowledge, and I think that's worth preserving. They are far from masterpieces and might reflect poorly on me, but it's a big chunk of honest, wart-filled work.  Penny Arcade is a multimillion dollar comic & video game enterprise now, but they've never decided to scrub their earliest, most amateur works, and that's always been a point of endearment.

So there's that, and then there's this. I want to participate in conversations, even if my voice is small and sometimes talked stupid. My hope is to turn this into something constant and full of thoughts in the process of being built on the things we're talking about. Something I can grow to share with people without feeling like a total asshole. That starts with writing more things of substance, and less self-referential meta stuff like this.

Of course, the best way to actually go about doing something is to just do it. Not announcing it in a way as gaudy as this. But I like the idea of planting a flag. It doesn't have to mean anything to you, but it does to me. I've been trying to write here for 6 years, now. Maybe that's enough of a warm up.

Blogging Too Hard

What year is it? 2010? Holy shit. I've been on this blog for four years.

In just over four years, I've written nearly 100 long essay-style posts, 111 posts in total including videos and early bullshit, and have drastically changed the layout/graphics of the site at least 5 times. It all started because I wanted a place to type.

I feel like I should explain something about this blog, first. It is narcissistic, but not because I want all eyes on me and my words and lookathowmuchIcantype. No. It is narcissistic because it purely serves me, my needs and whims. It is my brain dump and mindpressure valve. Sure, I could just keep all this in a secret text file on my flash drive. But then I wouldn't have the fear.

The fear is that someone might read these 100 post I've written up at late hours of the night in different years of my life. But that fear also forces me to put some quality control on these posts. I write better knowing that someone out there, likely someone I know, is watching. Make no mistake: everything posted here is a first draft. But I think these writing exercises have made my first drafts better.

Additionally, hearing from people in real life that they read this blog is both gratifying and terrifying.

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